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  • Kate’s dad and I

    April 28th, 2003


    Kate’s dad and I went to see a preview day at the William Bunch Vintage Motorcycle Auction in Chadds Ford. The organizer of the auction, John Lawless, is trying to get a “Philadelphia bike week” together, with lots of motorcycle events — like Sturgis or Daytona.


    Anyhow, the motorcycles were really cool, and I met a lot of Important Motorcycle Guys, like David Kirby, who started selling Honda motorcycles in West Chester in 1968. Back then, the only motorcycle dealers work black leather all the time, and were always working on bikes. If you came into the store, you were interrupting them, and they’d glare hot, contemptuous, oily glares at you. David started actually (what a concept!) welcoming people into the store, and sold bikes as fast as Honda could make them. It was a struggle to get his franchise, though — he had to drive the Honda representative to the neighboring franchise the long way, so the contractual limitations governing franchise spacing were met.


    See the pictures

  • You’re gonna rule the world,

    April 27th, 2003

    You’re gonna rule the world, eh?

    I had a dream last night that Canadian scientists in the future had succesfully developed time travel, so they were traveling back in time to give important agricultural and industrial developments to people in order to avoid famines, plagues and war. And also to increase the importance of Canada. “Use this technique, and you’ll quadruple your farm output”, they’d say to a North African farmer in 150 CE. “And when you make an empire, don’t forget to call it Canada, okay?”


    For some reason, I stole a slip-joint wrench from them, because it was made of a “Ganadium alloy” that could be printed on a CAD prototyper, but that, once printed, was strong, tough, indestructible, light, et cetera, and would completely revolutionize industry, making high-tensile devices as easy as pushing the “print” button on your computer. (I was impressed by Bruce Stirling’s ideas for the future of foamed aluminum a couple of weeks ago.)


    Anyhow, looking at the wrench and imagining the future of “Ganadium alloy“, I was wondering what I was gonna name my empire. Do the polite thing and name it “Canada”, or just make up my own name?

  • Sometimes a buzz saw is

    April 24th, 2003

    Sometimes a buzz saw is just a goddamn buzz saw.

    Also: Insane Japanese Miniature Knitting


    There was a train derailment south of Trenton last night, which meant that I and all the other Amtrak Keystone commuters “got SEPTA-ed”; we missed our Philadelphia connection, and had to take the local train home. Like many minor hardships, I suppose, it had its bright spots: I talked to several other commuters for the first time. One woman with whom I’ve been on a nodding acquaintance for a year turns out to have a thick French accent!


    So I relaxed this morning by going for a run in the morning and taking a later train into work. I’d like to run regularly in the mornings, but I’m going to have to cut down on the amount of time it takes me to get out the door. Today, there was fifteen minutes of sleepy, half-speed moping, in which I slowly dragged on polypro underwear, took long, spiteful looks at the outdoor thermometer, and heaved rueful sighs.


    Once out the door with all my electronics strapped on, though, um… it wasn’t much better. Until I warmed up and noticed all the spring buds. All the trees in West Chester are surrounded by a transparent nimbus of bright yellow-green. Except for the Norwegian oaks, which are hazed with maroon. It’s really, really beautiful, and as the sun climbed over the hill, I tried to remember the lines of “Nature’s first green is gold”, without much success. Then, I reached home and looked at the lesser Ranunculus that I gave ZE TREATMENT to over the weekend. It’s still there, but it’s not looking as robust as it was. Its saucy, devil-may-care grin looks a little strained, as though it’s regretting hitting the Mexican cocktail weenies so hard at the beginning of the party.

    Ha!


    Anyway, to the point: I looked up the poem, which I now remember is called “Nothing Gold Can Stay”, and found that since I last read Frost ten years ago, my opinion of him has changed. Here’s the page I found from a quick Google search. It’s a little hard to ignore the icons, and the “Catcher in the Rye” discussion questions are ham-handed (Schoolteachers of the world: there are OTHER THEMES IN THE WORLD besides the progression from innocence to experience.) But I read “Nothing Gold Can Stay”, liking it less than I remembered, and then I read “Out, Out-.” Which I really didn’t like at all.


    I still like Frost’s strict use of rhyme and meter, especially at a time when blank verse and experimentation were popular. That experimentation was necessary, I guess, but I don’t find it enjoyable. I’ve always liked Frost’s assertion that meaning is found in the tension between a restrictive technique and the pressure of language’s limitless expression. There’s a quote I seem to remember about the meter being the tension in the violin string, or the splutter in the skillet, or something, but I can’t remember it now. If you can find it, I’d be much obliged.


    What I didn’t remember about Frost, though, was the heavy payload of Christian-style animistic and fall-of-the-material-world themes. Nature’s first green is gold (but it’s doomed!) Material objects are invested with animistic meaning! Watch out for the buzz-saw, it’s EEEE-VIL!


    When I was last reading Frost ten or twelve years ago, I also was freighted with a heavy payload of Christian “the world you see isn’t the real, REAL world” themes, too: spiritual warfare was a big theme in the missions groups I worked with, and in that company it’s natural to invest the material world with some kind of animistic importance. I once asked a pastor if God had an opinion about EVERY choice I made—did god care if I read the Newsweek instead of the Time magazine? Does God care, even a little bit, if I have the rye instead of the pumpernickel? Did each and every one of my choices have a good or bad repercussion?


    I eventually managed to slow my spiritual record player down to 33RPM, and I’m now drawn to thinkers and writers that let the material world be what it is (whatever that is.) In his book Young Men and Fire, for example, Norman MacLean does a wonderful job of describing a highly-charged and emotional event—the accidental and avoidable death of thirteen bright young men in a forest fire. MacLean does it in a way that is compassionate, that respects the depth of pain and loss involved, but does not make the fire a parable, nor does he try to tell the story behind the story. The story is the story: what happened, happened, and we can take our own meaning, or no meaning, from it.


    And so, back to spring. My own feeling is that nature’s first green is gold, but it doesn’t fade away: it gets stronger incrementally, until one day in early June, spring has turned into a seven hundred pound gorilla sitting on your chest, looking soulfully into your face and breathing hot, muggy breath on you. And sowing lesser ranunculus all over your lawn.


    This article from the Atlantic Monthly in 1951 counteracted my new opinion of Frost somewhat, though it seems to have its own Cold War agenda (it mentions strife as a good thing an awful lot, doesn’t it?)


    Okay, that was what Alejandro’s sister would call an “unfunny essay entry.” As an antidote, go look at fisheye pictures of Moab, or INSANE JAPANESE MINIATURE KNITTING! Wow!

  • It’s like matching your bag

    April 23rd, 2003

    It’s like matching your bag to your shoes, except different, because…

    …okay, it’s like matching your bag to your shoes.


    I have a five-day road trip window in July. Also, Kate’s dad and I are going to ride up to a family wedding in Bar Harbor this August. So, obviously, it’s time to purchase the highest-quality, most bombproof, so-much-Cordura-and-Goretex-you’re-practically-an-astronaut-in-this-suit riding gear out there. That’s right, ladies, and gentlemen, I’m talking about the Hasselbad of motorcycle gear, the Aerostich Roadcrafter suit.


    So, your thoughts about colors, please. I pinched the excellent Aerostich color selector from their site — roll over the colors below, then hit the “comments” button and let me know what you think. Remember, I’m going to be riding it on a teutonic black uber-bike with (hopefully) white pinstriping.

    function name(name1, name2) {
    this.name1 = name1;
    this.name2 = name2;
    }
    myname = new name(‘b’,’s’);
    if (document.images) {
    rsbon = new Image(); rsbon.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/ButRS.gif”;
    blsbon = new Image(); blsbon.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/ButBlS.gif”;
    ysbon = new Image(); ysbon.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/ButYS.gif”;
    bsbon = new Image(); bsbon.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/ButBS.gif”;
    gsbon = new Image(); gsbon.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/ButGS.gif”;
    ssbon = new Image(); ssbon.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/ButSS.gif”;
    }
    function imgOn(imgName, imgName2) {
    if (document.images) {
    myname = new name(imgName,imgName2);
    if (document.images.bs.src == bsbon.src) {
    document.images.bs.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/b.gif”; }
    if (document.images.rs.src == rsbon.src) {
    document.images.rs.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/r.gif”; }
    if (document.images.ys.src == ysbon.src) {
    document.images.ys.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/y.gif”; }
    if (document.images.gs.src == gsbon.src) {
    document.images.gs.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/g.gif”; }
    if (document.images.bls.src == blsbon.src) {
    document.images.bls.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/bl.gif”; }
    document.images[imgName + “s”].src = eval(imgName + “sbon.src”);
    }
    changer(‘menu’,”http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/Road” + myname.name1 + myname.name2 + “.jpg”)
    }
    function imgOn2(imgName, imgName2) {
    if (document.images) {
    myname = new name(imgName,imgName2);
    if (document.images.b.src == bsbon.src) {
    document.images.b.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/b.gif”; }
    if (document.images.r.src == rsbon.src) {
    document.images.r.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/r.gif”; }
    if (document.images.s.src == ssbon.src) {
    document.images.s.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/s.gif”; }
    if (document.images.g.src == gsbon.src) {
    document.images.g.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/g.gif”; }
    if (document.images.bl.src == blsbon.src) {
    document.images.bl.src = “http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/bl.gif”; }
    document.images[imgName2].src = eval(imgName2 + “sbon.src”);
    }
    changer(‘menu’,”http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/ROADCOLORS/Road” + myname.name1 + myname.name2 + “.jpg”)
    }
    /* Function that swaps images. */
    // (id = the src/name for image, newSrc=name of image
    function changer(id, newSrc) {
    var theImage = FWFindImage(document, id, 0);
    if (theImage) {
    theImage.src = newSrc;
    }
    }
    /* Functions that track and set toggle group button states. */
    function FWFindImage(doc, name, j) {
    var theImage = false;
    if (doc.images) {
    theImage = doc.images[name];
    }
    if (theImage) {
    return theImage;
    }
    if (doc.layers) {
    for (j = 0; j < doc.layers.length; j++) {
    theImage = FWFindImage(doc.layers[j].document, name, 0);
    if (theImage) {
    return (theImage);
    }
    }
    }
    return (false);
    }








    Roadcrafter Suit Colors








    (move cursor over
    color to view)




































    Suit Colors



    Ballistic Colors



    Blue



    Black



    Red



    Gray



    Hi-Viz



      



    Blue



    Black



    Red



    Gray



    Silver













     























    Standard suit colors: Mix
    & Match a red, black, gray, Hi-Viz yellow or cobalt blue shell
    with either red, black, gray, silver or cobalt blue set of ballistics patches.








    Custom Ballistic Patch Colors [are available]

    Custom
    Color Viewer

  • Like a Tom Clancy

    April 21st, 2003


    Like a Tom Clancy novel, but all the details are about suburban life:


    I am now the proud owner of a Scotts SpeedyGreen®1000 Broadcast Spreader, which I used on Sunday morning to distribute 20 pounds of Agway Greenlawn 31-3-5 Weed Control and Fertilizer.
    In order to combat an outbreak of Ranunculus Ficaria L. Which is rather pretty, but our neighbor Jerry is rabid on the subject of Ranunculus (“That damn stuff’ll take over! I’ll get rid of it if I have to kill the whole lawn!”), and we have to be seen doing our part in the Coalition of Willing Weedkillers.


    The spreader was a lot of fun to operate, sending pretty cascades of waxy white pellets in every direction. Though it’s going to take up a much-begrugded couple of square feet in the shed.

  • Mister Kurtz Barnes, he dead

    April 21st, 2003

    Mister Kurtz Barnes, he dead

    A few weeks ago, Kate suggested that we visit the
    Barnes Foundation
    before it closes, moves, sells its collection, or otherwise ceases to be the cloistered entity it is today.


    Things I knew about the Barnes (which wasn’t much):


    • It was founded by an eccentric visionary who believed that his gallery walls should be crammed with art and sculpture, all mixed together;
    • He collected an incredible breadth and depth of Impressionist paintings;
    • He had a *huge* chip on his shoulder (he was constantly snubbed by the established art world),
    • He wanted the gallery to be used by “the common man”, and not by all those damn toffs in beaver hats, and
    • The gallery is harder to get into than a Catholic dormitory.


    I also knew that the foundation is in serious financial trouble, after having fought intense litigious disputes over parking in their rich, residential neighborhood, and installing a bazillion-dollar climate control system. And that the board may, in the next few years, decide to break the will — sell some pieces, move the collection, or re-hang the art. They’ve done it before; a traveling exhibition of Barnes pieces was organized in 1993, which was explicitly against the terms of the foundation. Many are watching the board’s decisions carefully, as it will set a precedent for other oddball billionaires who wish to lock up their art with byzantine, restrictive clauses in perpetuity.


    So the little history I knew, combined with the rules Kate and I received after her three-step faxback “Mother may I” gallery reservation procedure, were (to say the least) somewhat off-putting. No heels with diameters less than two inches. No bulky jackets. Visitors will be searched at the door. No photographs, sketching, or drawing. Whew!


    When Kate and I finally got through the three gatehouses at the Foundation’s estate, after we’d been commanded to strip, don Tyvek jumpsuits and lock all our clothes in a locker, after we’d been through the de-lousing and had our heads shaved, the impression we got actually wasn’t that eccentric. Or, if it was eccentric, you could see where Barnes was going with his vision.



    Think of the Appalachian Trail, an ambitious idea begun roughly at the same time as the Barnes. THe Trail’s titular founder, Benton MacKaye, was an oddball who envisioned a series of mountaintop enclaves populated with philosophers, artisans, and intelligentsia; each bastion connected to each other with footpaths. Sure, it was a little grandiose. Now imagine that MacKaye had enough money to buy all the land, build all the mountaintop retreats, and endow the trail with operating capital and rules that kept hoi polloi away. Substitute Impressionist art for footpaths, and cast the art establishment in the role of the riff-raff, and there you have the Barnes: an educational institution meant for those “who toil with their hands”, and in which each room is organized by an educational theme.




    In the master gallery, for example, one wall is devoted to the use of complementary colors in the French color system of the thirties. Yellows are paired with violets in two Renoir nudes, a Cezanne still-life, three landscapes, and assorted other drawings and sketches. The paintings are all hung together on a burlap wall, none with cards showing their title or date. Bits of bright ironwork are hung between the paintings, echoing the themes presented.



    Frankly, it works. I quickly stopped looking for titles, and almost as quickly stopped missing the dates and other information. Barnes was self-taught, and some of his arrangements didn’t click. Plus, his infatuation with Soutine was misplaced. But some were real eye-openers: there was a display on the influence of El Greco on both Renoir and Modigliani that got a real “a-ha!” from me. And, jeez, how can you argue with 180 Renoirs and a stack of Van Goghs?



    Kate and I left the Barnes feeling much more positive about it. So Barnes was an eccentric; it was his money, and his paintings, and ever since the state of Pennsylvania threatened to revoke the foundation’s not-for-profit status, the access rules have been relaxed. The collection is magnificent, though it contains a lot of dreck. The cluttered walls weren’t as off-putting as I’d thought they’d be, and I actually liked the absence of informational cards. Kate and I will go back in the fall, and I’m looking forward to spending more time in front of the Van Goghs. Next time, though, we’ll wear skintight unitards with no pockets, in order to smooth out relations with the guards.

  • The devil finds work for

    April 18th, 2003

    The devil finds work for all hands

    It’s been slower than usual at [My employer], with Passover and Easter: many of our clients took off early on Wednesday, and won’t be returning until Monday morning. So, naturally, my cube-neighbor Jeremy Fain decided to put on his bunny suit and distribute candy around the office. Jeremy didn’t participate in Mustaches for Kids; he usually sticks to the activities when he can be sure that he’ll have the women in the office eating out of his hand. At which he invariably succeeds, and today was no exception. (Kieran took the pictures.)


    Meanwhile, new [My employer] hire Todd Bender was bursting with ideas on how to make piles of money using The Ultimate Water Gun. Todd’s immortal soul is in danger, I’m afraid: he was babbling on about how to create synergy and generate piles of money using “brand awareness.” We politely explained the flaws in that business model using the example of the “Underpants Gnome” scheme, then politely and firmly convinced him to appear at the Ed Sullivan Theater this summer wearing the UWG and a shiny, padded pair of Boy Wonder tights.


    The results of Todd’s screen test are encouraging. Also, you can see the wireless helmet-cam now mounted to the UWG; it’s the blue box on top of the nozzle. Ideas for deploying the helmet cam are welcome.

  • Kate’s dad is immensely proud

    April 18th, 2003

    Kate’s dad is immensely proud of the shorts she made for him: he wears them to races and rallies, and struts around secure in the knowledge that he’s the best dressed fellow around:


    Kate’s Blog

  • Twelve-minute pace: I must break

    April 15th, 2003

    Twelve-minute pace: I must break you.

    Stout-hearted woodcutters and crafty satraps may have been the cultural archetypes for Jung and Bruno Bettelheim, but where in the hierarchy of feudal Bavarian culture can we find the archetype for the Giant-Blond-Russian-Who-Uses-Science-to-Crush-America? I’ll tell you: nowhere, and that’s why Rocky IV’s Ivan Drago is such an important fictional creation.


    I invoke Ivan Drago every time I strap on my new FitSense FS-1 Pro Speedometer, complete with wireless, foot-mounted accelerometer and separate radio-wave heart monitor. I asked for the whole Ivan kit for Christmas, and my gracious wife Kate obliged without even a smirk.


    It’s pretty smirk-worthy, though. Before putting on the heart strap, I must lick the electrodes. Then, I push the button on my foot pod, causing it to emit a businesslike “ready” beep. Then I give the watch a three-finger salute (“SENSORS: active. LOG: clear. SPEED: reset”), and I’m off, burning up the asphalt at a twelve-minute pace and staring intently at the “elapsed distance” readout.



    Afterwards, I wave the watch near the wireless upload pod attached to my laptop, and the watch sends all the data to the Web. And the data is pretty impressive. The picture on the left is of a run I took in January. I jogged for 23 minutes over a hilly course (the blue line is my pace), and then I walked for 7 minutes. The red line is my heart rate. Kate looked at it last night and complimented me on my recovery rate. Yeah!


    Anyhow, if you, too, would like to compliment me on my recovery rate, you can check out all five workouts I’ve had since Christmas. Or, if you’re in West Chester, you might see me jogging s-l-o-w-l-y by. You’ll have to honk the horn, though: I’ll be staring at my watch’s readout, mumbling in a Russian accent.

  • You know you’re a nerd

    April 14th, 2003

    You know you’re a nerd if you get the ‘control-Z’ finger-twitch in your driveway.

    Just because you’re doing your own work on your bike, I’m learning, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to do it better than someone you’re paying to do it for you. The flawed “it’s always better to do it yourself” axiom I learned from my step-brother Sam Benson, who comes from a clan of men that seemed to have been zoomed up on some kind of biological xerox copier to 120%. Sam’s dad was a SEAL before there were SEALs, was in underwater demolitions before that was a job, co-founded the Newport Yacht Museum and brought back heavy steel sculptures from the ends of the earth. Sam’s uncle Chip put together Madonna’s Sex book in his basement; he has a drum scanner in his basement, a MASH hospital generator in his backyard, and one of the only privately-owned offset presses in the country (which earned him a courtesy visit from the Secret Service when he assembled it — apparently, the only other privately-owned offset presses are owned by Mafia counterfeiters.) Sam’s other uncle owns a stonecarving operation that’s the oldest continuously-operated business in America, having apparently been carving lettering in hard things using specialized, difficult tools since the 1600s. Sam uses a TIG welder for a living, and collects ridiculously capable Mercedes utility trucks. So for the Benson Clan and their cronies, like Peter Blodgett, an ex-RISD teacher and jazz musician who retired to Newfoundland and wired our house up there (stapling each strand of wire separately and labeling every one in a precise, monospaced font with a black Sharpie marker) it’s always better to do it yourself.


    Me? I greased the choke adjustment plate this weekend, and managed to strip the screws putting it back in. Oh, well.


    Actually, a suspicious blob of Loctite on the screw when I took it out makes me think that the previous owner may have been the culprit. It’s a sobering notion, though, that just because you want to do a good job means that you’re going to do a good job. That’s an annoying lesson to learn, especially in the real world. Unlike Java code, just because something works perfectly once doesn’t mean it’s going to work perfectly a million times. Plus, you can’t strip threads when you’re programming: control-Z won’t help you when the ratchet makes a sickening, floppy spin all the way around the bolt head.


    Fortunately, there do seem to be some real-world equivalents to the “undo” key.

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