I finally passed the Platelet Bar

Back in January, I flunked out of platelet donation, when my veins were too skinny for the one-needle machine. I tried again this morning, dropping by the American Red Cross center behind Senora’s. The staff was really nice, and we jumped through all the absurd medical hoops together: “Mister Young, sir, are you male or female?” the phlebotomist asked me during the computerized interview, looking as apologetic as I’ve ever seen a phlebotomist look (not very.) I looked startled, and almost dropped my Georgia O’Keeffe mug, which would have spilled Red Zinger all over my sensible shoes.

Anyhow, with all the questions out of the way, they put me on the two-arm machine, this time, and they gave me the Elite Phlebotomist Team, the ones with their own roll-y carts with their names on them: “Hazel’s cart DO NOT TOUCH!”, one Elite Phlebotomist per arm, and the whole thing went very smoothly this time. It was a lot harder than I remember it being, though — I got pretty cold (though they were really nice with the blankets), and the anticoagulant made my lips tingle a lot (though they fed me Tums), but overall it was just… harder than I remember it being five years ago.

I did it on an empty stomach, though. I think I’ll try ONE more time after some breakfast, and see if that helps. On the plus side, you get bandages on each forearm, which is a societally-approved way to get that hawt, hawt duelling armbands look.

I finally passed the Platelet Bar

2 thoughts on “I finally passed the Platelet Bar

  1. Nice job John. I used to give blood every 56 days or whatever the time frame is. Then I got lazy. The red cross calls me, no lie, every day! You have inspired me so I think I’ll call them and see if they have an opening tonight.
    I’ve never done the platelet thing. It just looks like it takes too much time. I just want them to tap my veins, give me some cookies and send me on my way.
    Free cookies – check
    3 lives saved – check
    Sweet “Kiss me, I gave blood today” sticker – double check

    Like

  2. Thanks! I actually recommend trying donating platelets just once, because just think! All the blood leaves your body, is run through a machine, and put back into you! You can spend the rest of the day pretending to now be a sleeper agent for our machine overlords. “Honey, can I pour you some fortyweight oi- MILK I MEAN MILK BECAUSE HUMANS DRINK MILK?”
    Okay, that’s actually probably the worst possible reason to donate platelets. It’s a good excuse to watch most of a bad movie? I finally got to see the first half of MI:III.

    Like

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