The Saddest Picture in the World

Kate is selling two Ken dolls, much the worse for wear, that she got in a lot of mixed Barbie patterns and other miscellanea the other day. I thought the Freddie Mercury Ken was kind of funny, but OH MAN THE PATHOS in the picture she took for her eBay listing. What is it about this picture? Is it the eyebrows? Is it resigned look on naked Ken’s face? Is it the fact that Kate has positioned them in front of a nice Sixties print, probably the only nice place they’ve been in the past twenty years — and the last nice place they WILL be for the next twenty?


Here’s her description:

“One blonde flocked vintage Ken doll, balding, poor condition. One brunette painted vintage Ken doll, Freddie Mercury hairstyle added with marker, poor condition. Includes black tuxedo pants, jacket, and white shirt, also in poor condition with fraying Ken tags.

Sold as is.

Do only the pretty ones find homes?”

You can bid on these poor fellows here. Please, I’m begging you.


I was overjoyed to learn that Kate already has a bidder from Finland, LAND OF ICE AND FIRE. Land of saunas, hot springs, and heavy-metal goddesses riding polar bears. The land where a Ken, bemused to learn that his life as a toy is over, surprised to learn that his face grew the ghost of a ridiculous mustache, saddened to learn that his head is patchy and bald, can START A NEW LIFE OF BOLD ADVENTURE.

In short (enormous nerd alert!), Ken and Ken have a chance to take the black and travel to the wall as sworn brothers of the Night’s Watch. Protecting all the Barbies in all their Malibu Beach Houses from all the snarks and grumkins. Godspeed, you two. I never thought this post could have such a happy ending.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: