Can I give a PowerPoint

Can I give a PowerPoint presentation while wearing a burlap robe?
Okay, so some excellent names have been suggested: “Spic-n-spannual”, from Kate, or “Extra-Censory” from Jonathan Stern. However, I need something that can be totally deadpan for when we go on Oprah and talk to PTA meetings in Texas (travel expenses to be paid up front, naturally.) Here’s what popped into my head upon waking up this morning:

Imprimatur, Incorporated

The word has heavy bureaucratic/religious overtones, since it’s the term used by the Roman Catholic Church when approving a book for publication (literally, “let it be printed.”) We can use that spurious quote attributed to Plato about the dissolution of youth as a company motto, and a nice drab color scheme (evocative of burlap) accented by slashes of angry color (evocative of the scourging of the penitent.) IMPRIMATUR!

Here’s what the front page of the website could look like:

Okay, it wouldn’t really be that much Uncle Shelby, but it could be close. That way, each double deuce in the background of the AV Club page can be presented with the correct air of moral gravity. “Now, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to draw your attention to the twelve ways that the middle finger can be introduced into your yearbook. Dating back to the 1200s, the middle finger is also called the ‘bird.’ [next slide] In combination with the pinky, it’s called the ‘white-knuckle willy.’ When held upside down, the resulting combination is called the ‘pittsburgh plowshare.’”

Making up obscene gestures will, of course, be half the fun — I’ll have to delete these Blog postings so Google doesn’t give the game away. Update: Actually, according to google, Imprimatur’s services risk actually being useful to somebody. Try reading between the lines (it’s not hard) in this report on the 136 complaints received about this Norwalk, Connecticut high school’s 2001 yearbook!

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