Remember, Jesus is with you always. And his merchandising sucks.

Essay question for the day: Why is Christian graphic design so crappy and derivative? I mean, come on! When I was a full-time Christian in college, I remember getting badgered to listen to Christian bands, which meant buying Petra CDs and not pulling my hair out by the roots when someone put Amy Grant on the church van radio. No freakin’ way! I used to carry around an emergency Nina Hagen tape at all times to burn away the debilitating effects of Rich Mullins’ “Our God is an Awesome God“. Why do Christians have to imitate corporate culture, with “Lifesaviours” T-shirts and “God’s Gym”, and bands that are supposed to rock real hard, but end up sucking even harder?

Buddhists have cool graphic design. Hindu stuff kicks ass. What’s with the horrible Christian derivative merchandising? Latest culprit: the small, white oval European-country-acronym sticker. “FRG”? Nope. “SPI”, for South Padre Island? Not even that level of wretched, pissing-calvin fratboy humor. No, only now have the Christians caught up with their own entry: “JC”. Ugh.