You know, it almost hurts

You know, it almost hurts being this cool.

Dude, I am the coolest. Before you vow to pants me for the preceding statement, check out this evidence right here:


FROM: Sea World San Antonio


Good morning, I work for Sea World San Antonio. My
supervisor for Creative Services, Al Torres, had a
meeting with the entertainment dept. and they heard
about your watergun effect. we would like to
incorporate it to our ski lake show. it’s a remake of
a show that we had here when the park first opened,
but now we are doing a more contemporary version of
it. Our lead actor plays a nerdy type and we’d like
him to have the best gun in the show. […]

Is that cool, or what? I’m just envisioning the “nerd” character, some tanned 16-year old on waterskis with sixpack abs and black birth-control glasses with white tape wrapped around the bridge. It’s like all the 80s movies where Paulina Poriskova starts out working in a pizza parlor with her hair around her face and mismatched Converse All-Stars on her feet. This is gonna rock,

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