What Dr. Ho SAYS, Dr. Ho DOES.

I got a mysterious envelope in the mail the other day. The return address merely said “Caribbean Online Ltd.” Inside was a shrink-wrapped CD, all in Chinese, with the bold, mysterious name of “Doctor Ho.” The CD carried an allure I haven’t felt much since high school — the allure of something that was kind of illegal, like buying a big butterfly knife in Chinatown or ordering the “Shroom King” mushroom kit out of the back of High Times.

Anyhow, I probably got the CD because I had put some money down on the outcome of Survivor II. Doctor Ho turns out to be the proprietor of an online casino in Macau that pairs live video feed of buxom Chinese croupiers in tight tank tops with buxom 3D croupier avatars in no tops to speak of. Doctor HO, indeed!

Clicking through Doctor Ho’s site, I found his bio — and was stunned. “Who is Doctor Ho?” the site asks rhetorically, then answers with a barrage of Tony Robbins meets Horatio Alger meets Doctor Evil.

This is the resume to end all resumes:

“In China, he is called Wong Tai Sin – the god who fulfills peoples wishes.

• His dramatic rise to fortune is charted in popular movies and books.
  
• He has been honored by the British Monarchy and His Holiness Pope John Paul II.
  
• He has survived a pirate attack and numerous threats on his life.
  
• He is a highly skilled ballroom dancer and collector of limousines.”
  
  
  (read the rest…)
  

You can see Doctor Ho by clicking here, but be forewarned: looking deep into the red, blinking eye of a papally-honored, ballroom-dancing pirate survivor is deeply unsettling.