I’m sending the Ultimate Water Gun to Brunswick, Maine today, so that a sophomore named Matt Cowger can use it for a Bowdoin College beach party. Unfortunately, sometime during the last year, the o-ring that seals the tank has gotten elderly, and needs to be re-greased. Curse of a Meyers-Briggs INTP: I immediately rushed out into Times Square in my shirtsleeves looking for grease. Cosmetics Plus was closed for inventory, damn, no Vaseline. Luckily, I met an HVAC engineer named Ravi, whose van was parked outside [My employer]’ offices on Seventh Avenue. He gave me a big dab of grease in a paper towel.

When you’re holding a pile of lithium grease in a paper towel on a crowded elevator, the stockbrokers look at you funny.