“Ja, we assaulted a bar

“Ja, we assaulted a bar called tweety”
I just got this request from the Ultimate Water Gun Loan Program:

Frank Ellinger has made a request for the first two weeks
of July, for both good and evil purposes:

Hi there,
I�m interested in the Water Gun, cause we use waterguns among our
Sch�tzenfest activities in Germany. Pls see www.dieneuenalten.de

Normally we raid some bars or private parties and take hostages ( see
pictures at www.dieneuenalten.de – we assaulted a bar called tweety and
took over 40 hostages)In return for the release them we want to be part of
party.

Now we have a problem, our weapons are not impressing – we need to have
“big guns”.

Cu Frank -Germany

How can I say “no” to this request? I think that I cannot.

Update: What the hell is this thing? From the Babelfish translation of the page:

Still more and the truth about the nut/mother of all tavern sport combat battles? With all dramas? Moments of despair and fall, victory and spoiling? Of powder steam and cannon thunder? Blood, sweat and tears?

“Ja, we assaulted a bar

Opinions wanted! What are the

Opinions wanted! What are the most dangerous predators of history? Which predators should go in the “watch out for these ones” chart in the front of the book?

Time Traveler’s Handbook: Most Dangerous Predators to Avoid

body {
font: 12px arial,helvetica,sans-serif;
}
td.predator_header {
padding-left: 10px;
background: #000;
color: #FFF;
font-weight: bold;
}
td.predator_subhead {
background: #CCC;
text-align: center;
font-weight: bold;
font-size: 12px;
}
td.predator_title {
padding-left: 10px;
background: #DDD;
text-align: left;
font-size: 12px;
font-weight: bold;
}
td.predator_body {
text-align: justify;
vertical-align: top;
font-size: 12px;
}
td.predator_dangerlevel {
text-align: justify;
vertical-align: middle;
font-size: 12px;
padding: 10px 10px 0px 10px;
}
td.predator_howavoid {
text-align: justify;
vertical-align: middle;
font-size: 12px;
padding: 10px 0px 0px 10px;
}
td.predator_spacer {
background: #CCC;
}
div.predator_image {
width: 100px;
height: 103px;
background: #DDF;
vertical-align: bottom;
text-align: center;
font-size: 10px;
margin: 3px 3px 3px 3px;
}
div.predator_identifier {
width: 100px;
height: 50px;
background: #DDF;
vertical-align: bottom;
text-align: center;
font-size: 10px;
margin: 3px 3px 3px 3px;
}

<!–Blank

–>

Saurian predators
Predator Identifiers Level of danger How to avoid
Tyrannosaurus Rex
[illustration of T-rex]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Extremely dangerous; will actively hunt all warm-blooded animals within territorial area. Avoid watering areas and other well-traveled places. If spotted, remain stock still; T. Rex hunts by sight, not smell. If all else fails, run — T. Rex might have a top speed as slow as 10MPH.
Velociraptor
[illustration of velociraptor]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Extremely dangerous; hunts in packs, will circle and surround prey. Watch for nests, avoid hunting areas. Try to travel with slow-moving, easily caught animals.
Feline predators
Predator Identifiers Level of danger How to avoid
Sabertooth Tiger: smilodon fatalis
[illustration of predator]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
African Lion: felix felicis
[illustration of predator]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Canine predators
Predator Identifiers Level of danger How to avoid
Dire Wolf
[illustration of predator]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Ursine predators
Predator Identifiers Level of danger How to avoid
Grizzly Bear
[illustration of predator]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Aquatic predators
Predator Identifiers Level of danger How to avoid
Anomalocaris
[illustration of predator]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Shark
[illustration of predator]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Name
[illustration of predator]
[illustration of track]
[illustration of spoor]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ut wisi enim arma virumque cano et scopuloque infixit acuto. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Opinions wanted! What are the

We go from the ground

We go from the ground to the mountain, baby! Without walking!

Lydia gets cranky around dinnertime. Not cranky, precisely, just agitated. Doctor Sears and Google both told us to expect this, so it’s not a huge shock, but it is tiring. She used to get calmed down instantly by sucking on my pinky finger, but she’s figured that one out now, and only needs a quick moment to determine that she’s not really interested in my hand. And it’s not a hunger thing; her impression of a baby alligator when she’s hungry is clear and unmistakable. Well, it’s more like a cross between an alligator and a young, diesel-powered wood chipper.

I usually go into discovery mode, trying all the holds advertised in the baby manuals. Each time, Lydia looks at me reflectively, considering the advantages, and then dissolves into tears. Football hold, count to twenty? No dice. Colic hold, count to twenty? Nope. Side-lying hold, count to tw- Oh, hell no, we can rule that one out right away.

It was Kate that discovered what seems to be the magical solution right now:
Thermonuclear Orchestral Marches.


Kate remembered a version of Funiculi, Funicula (link goes to iTMS sample) that her brother listened to as a child, so I plunked down 0.99 for it. I accidentally didn’t get the singalong version, though, but something from the CD “Italy: The Pride and the Passion”, in which the musicians seem to be getting paid by the decibel. Or the conductor was stone deaf. And Lydia loves it. We’ll hold her and dance around crazily, shaking the china in the cabinet, and she drifts off blissfully and peacefully to sleep.

This is a lot of fun, and I’ve been learning the original Italian lyrics so I can bellow along with the stereo. But we’re getting a little tired of the song over and over again. The “Pride and Passion” CD yielded only one other good up-tempo orchestral barn-burner (good for wearing a fake handlebar mustache while holding the baby), but I’m coming up short on other, similar songs.

Here’s what I have so far:


…and that’s about it. Help! I need more eyebrow-singing orchestral music! Sousa marches would have been great, I thought, but they end up being somewhat sedate. I need fist-pounding, smoking-crack-in-the-earth music! Any suggestions? Click the “Comments” link below!

We go from the ground